from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
