just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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