Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
