This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
