the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
