i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
