Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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