No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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