Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
