Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
