I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
