capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
