My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
