and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
