a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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