mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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