he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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