Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
