I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
