I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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