I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
