In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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