Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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