Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
