you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
