in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
