fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
