You really coming over, don't trick.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
