Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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