hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
