if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
