Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am one with the molecules
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
