i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
