i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
