i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
