Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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