FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
