the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My vagina just recognized that song.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
