ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
