Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
