I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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