There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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