somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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