i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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