I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
