woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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