You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
