There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
