Someone shit on the floor
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
