im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
