a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize