Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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