Are we in a gay sports bar?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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