Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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