It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
