Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
