You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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