i was born a porn star she said
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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