And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
