Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
