I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
