This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My vagina is officially offended.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
