Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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