You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's great music for shaving your balls
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I am one with the molecules
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
