i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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