I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
