even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
