Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
